I want to thank everyone for the lovely support that is continuing since I wrote last weeks post.
I am really struggling right now because I feel like I have been totally betrayed by my body. Please, this is venting and I am not asking for advice on diet or commentary on my food choices, thank you. I would however, love to know how YOU handle the emotional side of this whole thing. How you keep doing the "next right thing" when your body doesn't seem to be responding the way it has in the past.
I weigh myself daily. This has been something that has worked for me in the past, but lately it has been an exercise bordering on mental self abuse. I am still struggling with health problems (and infection that will not go away).. Fortunately, I am recovering well from the surgery I had, and the intense pain I was in before the surgery has been fixed, but for some reason, my body is just not reacting the way I feel it should and I'm just so frustrated. I am fairly active. I walk 3 miles to and from work and I work in my feet all day long. I go up and down stairs all day long at work, but for some reason, I AM GAINING WEIGHT. This morning I sat here and literally felt my body swell up and weighed myself and I am 10 lbs heavier than I was two days ago.
My rational mind knows this is water weight, because there's no way I can gain fat that fast, but it's so frustrating to see the number on the scale and have no idea what to do to change this.
I suppose I should pick a day and time to weigh myself once a week so I don't drive myself crazy with these massive fluctuations.. My hormones are totally out of whack since I don't have any ovaries (that's another horrible health story from my past).. and I am having constant hot flashes and then chills. That's when I notice the bloating the worst.
I think what is so frustrating is what was working soooo well for me in the past is not working anymore. Or I guess that's not fair, since I was walking between 6-12 miles a day and now I'm not. I know why I GAINED the weight over the past several months, but now that I'm back to a more active lifestyle, I'm not sure why I'm STILL gaining.
Things that work against me (But to be fair, I was working with food the entire time I lost weight and had to taste the food I was preparing)
- I have to taste the food I prepare all day long. I cook everything from scratch and season thing and food, especially vegan food requires a lot of tasting, then seasoning then re-tasting to make it really yummy.
- I am only walking 3 miles a day to get to/from work
- I am exhausted when I come home from work after being on feet and walking to do any more exercise. This is probably because I've put on 20 lbs and also because my body is totally 100% depleted from the c-diff and recovering from surgery.
I am at a loss.. obviously, I need to figure out a new plan of action. I was just so angry and frustrated when I got on the scale this morning.
I also threw away ALL of my "fat clothes" and most of my clothes are tight on me now, which makes me feel like shit.
Soo... I feel like I've hit a new type of bottom today... I'm just so very frustrated, but I'm not going to give up. I'm going to exercise today and continue to eat well. I woke up starving and had a big salad for breakfast with leftover roasted beets, veggies and hummus.
I will drink my super spicy blender juice... (beets, ginger, hot peppers, beet greens and chia seeds)
and make healthy choices with food and most importantly, pay attention to portions. That is my biggest downfall is eating too much.
I am going to stay off of the scale for a week. I will weigh myself Thursday April 18th.